How to Develop Self-Confidence?

I am 19-years old, and a first-year student of mass communication. For the last one year, I have been low on self-confidence and can't face people. I tend to become extremely nervous. I have been often dominated by others and I can never answer back. Please help me. How do I work on my self-confidence and self-esteem?

-Anurag Kaushik

Positive self-concept and self-confidence are very important to maintaining good mental health. To begin with, make a clear assessment of your strengths and weaknesses. Your strengths will evolve as your confidence. Nurture your strengths and make them a part of your personality. Learn to be assertive in order to avoid unnecessary domination. Ascertain your boundaries and communicate them. Don't hesitate to tell your friends when they trod on your feelings or cross boundaries. Work out exactly what you want to accomplish and set goals. This will bring structure and you'll have clarity and purpose about what your life is about. Include work, family, social and personal aspects and each time you achieve a goal, give yourself a little reward. The feeling of accomplishment will increase your confidence significantly.

Sometimes a change in appearance helps. Dump the past. Believe that you can shape whatever happens from now on and create a new, confident you. Avoid indulging in self-criticism. Negative people erode confidence like rust erodes iron. Avoid negativity and negative people.

I always feel that I am being compared with my brother. My parents scold me for no fault of mine, because I am not as good at college studies as him. I am quite worried about this and get severe headaches at times, and get irritable. I don't smoke or drink alcohol. How can I cope with the comparisons made by my parents? I am about to start my college life and need to be emotionally stronger. Please help.

-Janak Sharma

You seem to have developed a sense of inadequacy and frustration at being compared and scolded. Adolescence and young adulthood can be especially difficult times. Remember that all individuals are different. Learn to identify your strong points and build on them. Stop focusing on your weaknesses. You cannot change others but you can change the way you think and react. Rather than thinking that you are being tortured, try to think that your parents want your welfare. Try to talk to your parents. Express your anguish and need for love and approval, without blaming them or being rude. Talk to a friend and share your feelings. Better still, learn stress management and take professional help from a qualified psychologist or counselor.

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