Faith in myself kept me going in tough times: Prakhya Tapaswi Kataru

MGIT, Hyderabad

It was in 2014 that I first faced the big question, “What do you want to do in your future? Take a good decision. Because, this is life changing”. Is that not a big decision for a 15-year old to take? Dude, come on! I know nothing but books, home and school. You expect me to make a decision that can change my life for good or worse. You got to be kidding me! I did what any kid would wisely do. I put the burden on my parents. They obviously did what they thought was best for me and MY FUTURE. I was admitted to a well-known college for PCM and also in the highest section in the campus based on my SSC result. The experience of first few days were so bad that I wouldn’t dare re-visiting them. Living in a place completely alien and with not a single known face is horrible. Though I enjoyed the class, study hours were not my favorite thing. I missed my parents and being home. Those days were so emotional and I was put totally out of my comfort zone.  But crying out the pain and sadness I feel is not something that I usually do. So, I started writing. I wrote how I felt being sent to the hostel and even a few letters to my parents which I never gave them. Writing helped me a lot in not feeling homesick. I began enjoying it. This eventually turned into a habit and a part of my life. I decided that I should write a book.

Of course my parents would kick my rear if I mention this to them and they almost did because they felt it was not a good and promising career. By the way, who am I to decide what to do with my life? So I suppressed my urge to spend time writing and concentrated on my studies.

Days flew by and I passed XI standard with a good score. I was promoted to an even higher section in another campus. I eagerly joined along with a few of my friends. Guess what! I hated that place more than anything. Classes there were next level to me and I couldn’t do well. I tried to work harder than I did earlier but the syllabus was too vast. I felt that it was not doing me any good. I asked my parents that I’d rather go back to my previous section. Thank heavens!  They accepted my request. I was back to my old class. I was happy to be back but the happiness didn’t last long.

My mother calls the academic year 2015-16, the year of my hardships because I fell very ill. There was always something wrong with my body that kept me sick and tired. I couldn’t concentrate much on my studies. I spent almost all the year visiting hospitals. I’ll spare you the gory details. Oh! And some even called it black magic, LOL.  I was in a position that my parents who always wanted me to give my best told me that I can do it later and not to take burden. At the end of the academic year my attendance was 42% and my faculty barely even knew me. One of them asked me if I would pass the board examinations and even suggested that I should write them the following year. I wrote the board examinations and scored 95.5%. Then I did what I could to pursue Engineering because that was what I was expected to do and I succeeded. I felt that I should tell my parents that I would love to study Literature but I was so scared. So I got into Engineering. Now, I am pursuing 3^rd year of my BTech from Mahatma Gandhi Institute of Technology, Hyderabad.

 The sickness I had to go through, the hours of time I spent staring at the ceilings of ICUs in hospitals, the marks that were left by needles puncturing my skin, the scars left by the surgical instruments trying to keep me alive made me feel like a white knight and filled me with courage and patience that I require foe a whole life. I fought only for myself so maybe it’s ironic.

But for the past year I have this feeling that what I wanted to do and what I am doing are not on the same page. I assure myself that I will chase and live my dream of being a writer someday. When the whole world categorized me useless, I had faith in myself which helped me heal and worked its magic that put me in the position I am in now. I’m sure this little trick would help anyone.

About the Author:

I am Prakhya Tapaswi Kataru. I am 19 years old. I am pursuing 3^rd B. Tech in ECE at Mahatma Gandhi Institute of Technology, Hyderabad. My hobbies are reading books and writing. I love cricket and badminton.